February 4, 2016
Expectations- A strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
Plans- A detailed formulation of a program of action, or a method worked out in advance for achieving some objective.
Dreams- Something that you have wanted very much to do, be, or have for a long time.
My whole life, I think I have always believed I would have a girl someday. My grandma Me-Ma was the only girl with three brothers. My mom has two brothers. I am the youngest of three, with two older brothers. Those two brothers each have two boys, a girl, and another boy. Expectations.
When we had Zachary, I was pleased to have a boy. Having an oldest boy in the family is lovely. He can look out for his younger siblings. When we found out we were having a second boy, I would have liked a girl, but I was very happy to have two brothers so close in age, that could be best friends. Besides, I would have my girl later, anyway. Plans.
I didn’t have any sisters, but that was okay. I’ve always been comfortable around boys, and most of the time chose to be around them over girls. I have some amazing girl friends, but never spent time with a group of girls (other than sports teams). But when I had my girl, I would have so much to talk to her about. We could relate with each other, because she would also have two big brothers. She would, of course, love sports and music, and all the things I love. We would be two peas in a pod. Dreams.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.~ Jeremiah 29:11
So, here we are. Having our third boy. And do you think God messed up? Do you think that I know better than God? Did God care about my expectations, my plans, my dreams? Of course he cares. He knows my heart, He knows my desires, He knows my needs. That is why I am thrilled to have this third boy. Because, God knows. He knows this little boy, and every plan He has for him. Every life he will touch. Every change he will make in this world. He knows me, and how He can form me into the best mother for these boys. He knows Stefan, and what a wonderful man he is, and that he needed three little men to follow him and be taught by him. He knows Zachary and Gavin, and that they need this little brother to guide and also from whom they can learn.
After I had Gavin, I found a wonderful group called the Mothers of Boys Society. I have found so much support, advice, and love in this group. I found my “mom identity”. I am a Boy-Mom! I embraced it. Everything about it spoke to me. Reading the posts, books, articles from these ladies is so encouraging and refreshing.
But I was ready for my girl.
I will admit this, because I think we need to real and honest. My heart did hurt when I heard “boy”. Not because I wasn’t excited about this boy, I still was. Not because I would love him any less. I love my boys, and I did think it would be pretty cool to have three of them. It hurt because it didn’t meet my expectations, my plans, my dreams. The part of me that has planned this my whole life, had to grieve a little. And you know what? I am allowing that. Because it hurts when expectations, plans, dreams don’t turn out the way we thought.
My God, does not leave me in disappointment. He blesses me beyond the dreams I can dream up myself. His plans are so much better than mine. If I had to stick with the plans I saw for myself in the past… well, lets just say I don’t really want to know where those would have gone. The expectations I need are knowing that God is faithful. The only plans I need are the ones He lays out for me. And the dreams? God’s are so much better than mine.
Yesterday, I read a Facebook post by Brooke McGlothlin, founder of the MOB Society (www.themobsociety.com). She was commenting on a news story about a 13 year old girl who was bullied, and went online to seek attention and assurance. One of the contacts, an 18 year old college freshman, got her to meet him, and murdered her. Brooke’s post was about the importance of girls and women having godly, strong, encouraging males in their family and their lives to support them, take care of them, and show them what Christ-like love looks like. When I read this, it was like God was saying, “This is why. I want you to raise three amazing men to follow Me, and be a light to this world.”
I have a mission. I have a purpose. I have boys.
And that is how God intended it.
Will my heart ache a little when I see a little girl with her Mama? Probably. But then my three beautiful, strong, cuddly boys will wrap their arms around me, and I will know that this is God’s plan for me.