I want to soak in this time: slowly, thankfully. I know God is doing big things. I have time to spend on my prayer and Bible reading. I am with the people I love the most all the time. We are safe. But even though I am thankful for these things, I still grow impatient and even annoyed at too much closeness and constantly being needed. I want to treasure the closeness, not resent it.
I have been looking out these deck door windows for almost eleven weeks now, and the view is still the same. Even so, I can still see the small changes. Most notably, where everything was once bare and bland, now everything is green. We may not be having the warmth I would expect May to bring, but at least everything looks alive. The bushes are so lush they are starting to overtake the patio. The backyard almost seems like a rain forest with the symphony of bird songs and green canopy. Maple helicopters are scattered about, some taking root, some discarded on the brick.
Yes, I am still looking out this window. Same as before.
But there is growth. There is change. Through the smudged sliding door and within my own heart, what has been planted is now growing.
Trees have transformed from simple buds on branches and are now fully dressed with leafy covering. The yard is carpeted in clover.
I pray there is that much visible change in the deepest parts of my soul over these last few months. Planted down in the foundation of my being were the seeds that God is faithful. Except they are seeds no longer. Now stand mighty cedars, redwoods, and oaks. All sewn from the answered prayers and visible ways he has taken care of us in the past.
A few years ago, those roots grew stronger, deeper, as we watched Jehovah Jireh, The Lord Provides.
Just in the last month they were watered and tended as He proved over and over again, He is Jehovah Shammah, The Lord is There.
And now I call on Jehovah M’kaddesh, The Lord Who Sanctifies. I need Him to make me holy. These repetitive days that grate on my nerves, this time of uncertainty and fear, the weight of everything and nothing all at once; it pushes me beyond what I can do on my own and into the place where I have nothing but Him. It’s in this place that I know the words of Paul ring true.
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:12
As the trees, grass, and the landscape of my backyard grow green and tall, I pray my trust and faith in the Lord will continue to flourish in my soul. I know that just as God is faithful, He can make me holy. I am confident that “he who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)
Help me keep my eyes on You. Help me hold on to You. Lord, just make me holy like You.