Emotions. Sometimes I hate them. (Ironic, right?)
I despise feeling out of control. I loathe chaos.
I detest it when I let emotions rule me.
I fight it, I really do. But, I fail. I fail a LOT.
I know who rules my heart. I know who has the real control. I know who holds me in his hands.
I believe that what he has is good for me. I just can’t stand it when I can’t FEEL that.
Today is a day when I will keep my earphones on, even when walking to the break room at work. I will listen to praise music, to keep my heart in line with my mind. I don’t know why times like this come, but if I let myself, I will lash out. It will probably be at the people I love most. The people I struggle to like, to be kind to- those people get my civility, because I have to give it to them. My loves? They are the ones who end up with the chip crumbles at the bottom of the bag. They get what is left over, the part that isn’t worth much.
I can’t control my emotions. I am weak. I am a mess. I can’t even figure out why I feel the way I feel.
I know someone.
He isn’t just SOMEone. He is THE one.
The one who created me, the one who created the world, and who knows every fine grain of what makes me, me. His power is strongest in my weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
So on a day where I want to punch something, I listen to my music. I read His Word. I write out these emotions until he refines them, and uses for His good, for my good.
It is marvelous what the Lord can do, if we just tell Him we aren’t able, and trust Him.
For the moment, I don’t feel like kicking anything. And that, my friends, is a miracle.
I know those feelings will return, but I will return to my King who’s got this under control, even when I don’t.