I can feel it.
It’s built up, pent up, forced silence. No words means no outlet. If I let it continue, the levee will hold no more. The dam will burst, leaving nothing in it’s path.
He is a brutal master. Unforgiving, always barreling through. He has no sympathy for me, but continues to imprison me. I beg him to slow, but it is always the same. I can never get enough of him, he is ever elusive. Except when there is pain. Pain is when he pauses. He pushes me to impatience. I miss out on so much because of the illusion of him. I am his slave. He presses in on me and I can’t breathe. I just want to breathe.
Time is a cruel master.
I rush my kids because they need to hurry up and meet some deadline. Time didn’t allow.
I wake, already behind, because I didn’t get enough sleep. Time didn’t allow.
I speed through a devotional, not armed with the Word. Time didn’t allow.
I grab junk food and fix the kids PB & J… again. Time didn’t allow.
I neglect my husband because the day has me worn from work and children. Time didn’t allow.
I didn’t serve a neighbor, or friend like I could have. Time didn’t allow.
I’ve enslaved myself without even realizing.
Fortunately, I know the chain-breaker. I am friends with the Fixer. I know I who I truly serve, and He is not bound by time- He created it.
Shackled and shaken, I cry out to Him. Jesus, break this prison around me.
Let me see my children. Lift the walls that trap me into thinking everything needs to be hurried.
Show me how and when to rest, so that I wake ready for the day.
Help me carve out those moments with You. Open my heart and eyes to see that abiding in you isn’t a 20 minute devotional, but a constant connection through the day.
Give me strength to give nourishment to my body and to my family. Give me energy to serve them and wisdom to make healthy choices.
Unite me with my husband, and let us encourage one another, so that we are one heart for You.
Place in me a servant’s heart. Holy Spirit guide me to be your hands and feet here on Earth.
It’s like a healing balm to my own heart when my words break free. The fog clears, and with it, anxiety and frustration dissipate. The Truth bubbles to the surface and I see that I am not a slave to time, but that I willingly choose to serve the Creator of time.